Letter to the Guy Above the Bar

Dear Guy

Hasn't it been just great weather this fall?  Here it is almost Christmas and we have not had any snow or ice  and the temperature has been a lot warmer than one would think. Still you would not expect to look out your window and see a guy dressed only in girl's underwear and a shocking pink boa (you probably get to see more of this in the warmer months).  The couple of men with this guy definitely should not have been ringing the doorbell or knocking and yelling. We should not have been doing this and have no problem with you calling the police (I guess if there no bank heists or serious crimes then they have to be somewhere).  You might have waited until the next day to call your landlord to complain.

It was not planned to go outside during the awards dinner but several events came together like a perfect storm with this result.  One significant happening was your hammering on the floor of your room while were were eating our dinner in the pub below.  I understand that perhaps about 8:30 on a Saturday night you might want to sit back and drink a quiet beer while watching the hockey game (aren't the Leafs doing well this year, but don't count on them to make the playoffs) and that you would be upset by the noise from below. But the thing we were wondering was, do you realize that you live over a bar?  Now I don't know how busy George is but at times I know the bar is going to get noisy (I have been there when some loud bands were playing).

Perhaps you expected that it would be looked on as a joke, but you have to be very careful to pull that off and you have to pick your crowd.  This group certainly had no sense of humour.  For example I told this great joke, well here it is and you decide, I will shorten it a bit.

This guy goes to a urologist to get his prostate checked and the doctor turns out to be youngish, cute and female.  So she puts him on his left side and tells him to say "ninety-nine" as she explores.  He says "ninety-nine".  However, she says she cannot feel it properly and puts him on his right side and tells him again to say "ninety-nine".  He complies.  She still cannot feel it properly so she puts him on his back so she can check again but she says she will have to hold his penis out of the way.  She again tells him to say "ninety-nine".  He says "one, two..".

Now isn't that hilarious but surprisingly it did not go well, so don't expect a group like that to laugh at some knocks on the ceiling.   (Maybe they do not know what a urologist is.)

One of the other things that happened was one player was given women's panties and a pink boa as a joke award, so of course he had to put them on and he was the one you saw out side.  Here's where the weather comes in, if it had been snowing or very cold he would not have gone out, as it was he did not stay our long and you could tell it sure was cool when he came in.  He gets the same gift and he does the same thing every year so we are kind of used to it but it probably is a surprise to the casual viewer like these big cops (you invited).

Another thing that would have taken up some time (after dinner and the awards we basically wait around until it is time to go to the Legion to cheer up the veterans, it was nice the police also came) was table surfing an event started last year and should have taken up a lot of time.  I blame myself for not having coached the proper skills of table surfing and the first participant landed to the side table, pulling out all the screws so the whole top came off  and he slid (quite hard)  into the edge of the next table with his chest (he could have been hurt).  In the interests of safety, I shut the activity down and the crowd's energy could only be released by them (three) going outside yelling and ringing door bells.

The next day (late the next day) everything does not seem so funny and could have led to more serious things like (as was suggested by your landlord) that you might come down with a gun or a knife (you wouldn't actually do that - would you?) and then where would we be.  Perhaps may I suggest you invest in a very thick rug or perhaps you could work Friday and Saturday evenings or even you could could join us next year.  We  are always looking for players and we practice at Alway school starting in April.  Just come up for a run around but tell us who you are (just say ninety-nine).

Yours Sincerely (I do go on and on)
Bill Stuart
President
Grimsby Gentlemen RFC